When Aiden and I spend time together,
he will often ask for something using one word, such as, "snack?" or
"Milk?" or "Goldfish?" In the beginning of our
relationship, I would patiently explain he couldn't have goldfish because we
didn't have any in the house. He would continue to ask. As we verbally
danced back and forth, the only outcome one of frustration; for both of us.
Soma reminded me to answer him
differently; breaking up the pattern of this dance we did together. Perhaps he
wanted to egg me into an argument. I can easily avoid it when I respond more
positively. I'm reading the book. Consistent Positive Direction, written
by Bert Freeman. He teaches us to focus on what you want to have happen instead
of what you want to avoid. It's been so helpful for me when interacting
with Aiden (and everyone else in my life).
Instead of saying:
"No, we don't have any Goldfish
for your snack right now."
I could respond with:
"That's a great idea Aiden! Why
don't you ask your mom when she gets home later today? We're going to do
15 more minutes of work before having a snack. Then, we can see what's in the
kitchen. How many more minutes do we have to work?"
"Aiden, we have 15 more minutes
of work before snack time. What do you have to do before having your
snack?" He usually responds with the word, "work." I then
answer with, "great job listening Aiden. Let's focus on our next
lesson."
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