Asking the Same Thing Repeatedly

When Aiden and I spend time together, he will often ask for something using one word, such as, "snack?" or "Milk?" or "Goldfish?"  In the beginning of our relationship, I would patiently explain he couldn't have goldfish because we didn't have any in the house.  He would continue to ask. As we verbally danced back and forth, the only outcome one of frustration; for both of us.

Soma reminded me to answer him differently; breaking up the pattern of this dance we did together. Perhaps he wanted to egg me into an argument. I can easily avoid it when I respond more positively.  I'm reading the book. Consistent Positive Direction, written by Bert Freeman. He teaches us to focus on what you want to have happen instead of what you want to avoid.  It's been so helpful for me when interacting with Aiden (and everyone else in my life).

Instead of saying:

"No, we don't have any Goldfish for your snack right now."

I could respond with:

"That's a great idea Aiden! Why don't you ask your mom when she gets home later today?  We're going to do 15 more minutes of work before having a snack. Then, we can see what's in the kitchen.  How many more minutes do we have to work?"

"Aiden, we have 15 more minutes of work before snack time.  What do you have to do before having your snack?" He usually responds with the word, "work."  I then answer with, "great job listening Aiden. Let's focus on our next lesson."

Autistic Students Sharing Insights and Feelings using RPM

            Have you ever found yourself doing an activity over time and then, one day, a light bulb goes on inside your head? “I just thought of a better way to do it!” It’s such a simple thing. Why didn’t I think of it before?  This is exactly how I felt when I realized I didn’t have to focus solely on academic activities with Aiden.  I could use his Spelling words and sentences on the letter board and keyboard to have a dialogue with him about his feelings and insights. If I needed an academic reason, the sentences would give him a chance to practice his spelling and creating paragraphs.

            If I knew more about his feelings of anxiety and anger, it would help me become more sensitive to how I could help him. He could probably tell me exactly what he needs from me; especially when he’s upset.

            Soma wants him to write at least three sentences daily.  We begin our RPM session with him either choosing what he wants to write about or answering questions.  One of these sessions revealed the following:

ML:      Aiden and I had reviewed his social story about personal space and 

             muscle memory. I     then said, “Tell me something about either personal 

             space or muscle memory.

A.         Muscle memory is what I do when I feel anxious.

ML:      “What happens?”

A:         My hands grab other people’s clothes.

ML:      “How do you think people feel when you grab their clothes?”

A:         They do not like it because it makes them feel uncomfortable.

ML:      “What should we do when you grab our clothes?”

A:         You should remind me to take my hands off your clothes.

ML:      “Aiden, when I’ve asked you to let go of my clothes, you still hold onto

             them. What else can I do?”

A:         You can take my hands away.

ML:      “Thank you for sharing with me.”

Muscle Memory or Personal Space?

         

            When Aiden and I use RPM for teaching a subject, he often reaches out and grabs the hem of the smock I wear while working with him. Sometimes, it’s a gentle motion; other times, it’s more aggressive. He and I began talking about it one day after I had a conversation with Soma about it.  She explained his frequent grabbing is like a muscle memory; something he does out of habit.  In order to change it, I have to help him develop a new muscle memory, replacing the old one.

            We also did a social story about personal space; what is it and why is it important to respect someone’s personal space.  He’s usually content to stay in his own space unless I move closer to him.  If we’re together, not doing an RPM lesson and he grabs me, I may ask, “Is this a muscle memory or personal space?” He usually answers with one or the other.  If it’s ‘personal space’, I ask him, “Where do your hands belong?”  If his anxiety level is low, he may answer with, “In my lap.”  My response might be, “thank you for using your words to tell me. Show me.”  At that point, he’ll remove his hand.

            When we’re doing a lesson, I’m standing behind him. When he reaches out to grab me, I’ll ask what it is, ‘personal space’ or ‘muscle memory?’  When he answers, “muscle memory,” I may start singing a song about muscle memory and clapping my hands or snapping my fingers.

“Can you clap your hands as well, Aiden?”  If he does, we’ll have some fun enjoying the silliness of the moment. If he doesn’t, I stop and continue with the lesson.

            What have you found works for helping someone develop a new muscle memory for grabbing?  I’d love to get your feedback and comments.

Practicing Consistent Positive Direction with Autism

Practicing Consistent Positive Direction

J. Bert Freeman's book, Taking Charge of Your Positive Direction, has given me great insights into communicating with Aiden in more positive ways. Basically, instead of saying something like, “No, don't do that,” I focus on what I want him to do; where I want him to go.  Here are some examples:

Instead of saying:	A Consistent Positive Direction statement:
“Aiden, don't grab my shirt.”	“Aiden, where do your hands belong?” “Is this a muscle memory or a personal space issue?”
“No, we don't have goldfish to eat.”	“That's a great question! Let's ask your mother when she gets home.” “As soon as we finish your lesson, we can go to the kitchen and see what's available for you to eat.” If he persists on the goldfish; Aiden, “What do we have to do before we can eat?” “Would you like to have a tic- tac right now?”
When Aiden begins to walk purposefully toward me, I say,” Don't come any closer.”	“Remember my personal space.” “Do you need to have any pressure on your hands or arms right now?”
“You didn't take your plate to the sink,” or “You forgot to take your plate to the sink.”	“Aiden, where does your plate need to go?” “What we do with our plate when we’re through eating?”
“You're hitting me makes me uncomfortable.”	“Thank you for letting me know you're feeling anxious and uncomfortable.  Let's see if we can figure out how to make you feel less anxious.”  “Let me help you find some other things you can do with your hands when you're feeling anxious.”

This approach to communication has improved my relationship with Aiden. If you can think of other statements you know would work, I’d love for you to share them with me.